is it bad that i care more about some friends than others?
ok so im gonna use two friends of mine that i have realised i feel opposite about
so first there's connie. i really care about connie, her feelings matter to me, i feel upset when things happen to her, i feel guilty if i think ive upset her. i get excited when she texts me back, i feel really happy when im around her. we've got a lot in common and are on the same wavelength. we just click
then there's mel. i know it's bad but i don't give a crap about mel, ive tried to care but i just can't. i feel nothing for her. i don't enjoy her company at all, we have absolutely nothing in common and have totally different personalities. mel never smiles and it brings me down so much, she's very negative!
is it bad that i feel so different for them? does it mean anything? what?
Answers & Comments
Yeah that is kinda bad! But it doesn't make you a bad person so don't worry about that. How much you care about Connie is sweet, but Mel probably expects you to feel like that about her, and you don't! I would say this is good for Connie but bad for Mel. In relationships, they say "opposites attract" which is true, but when it comes to friendships, people really do tend to hang out with those on the same wavelength as them. You can do much more with someone you truly connect with, as you both will enjoy it. It sounds almost like Mel has been forcing a bond that let's be honest, just isn't there. You cannot force friendship, It's wrong to try.
Meanwhile you and Connie just have "it" no forcing necessary. That's how friendships are meant to be. They are even better if there was an instant bond when you met. That's a good indicator you'll be friends forever. Caring more about Connie doesn't make you selfish, you are simply attracted to nicer people. In all honesty, it's harder to care about someone who is constantly negative. This is why you don't care about Mel. You're just not on the same wavelength as her.
Well no not really! It's obviously bad for Mel, but i can definitely see why you feel closer to Connie, as you say you just click, and people tend to prefer being around someone more like them anyway. Given you're so similar, i imagine the conversation with Connie is effortless, however it must be awkward for you when you are around Mel, as you say you have nothing in common and even different personalities. This is not good for friendships. How on earth did you become friends with her in the first place?! She's barely an acquaintance.
Let's pretend you and Connie both love shopping, so if you wanna hang out, go shopping together, you both love it right? Sorted. What exactly can you do with Mel, who is the polar opposite of you? It's not hard to see why you are more for Connie at all. She's basically you in a different body!
This kind of thing is to be expected when comes to friends and such, as there will be some folks that you can click with a WHOLE lot more than some. Not that that's a bad thing, of course.
I have a friend that's like your example of Connie but sometimes I will admit to having Mel's personality but I'm not intentionally mean to them. Some folks just operate on different wavelengths and stuff, that's all.
definitely not, connie sounds way nicer than mel, mel in all honesty sounds like a weirdo! people tend to care about nicer people so no!
I don't think it's bad, you probably just value your friendship with Connie more that's all. Mel meanwhile is more on acquaintance level. I don't think you're a dick for caring more about Connie than Mel at all! It's interesting to see that you feel so differently about the two of them. Maybe it's helped you realise you can't be friends with everyone. You just can't. Some people don't wanna be your friend, and others don't have anything in common to keep the friendship going. More than likely as well, you and Connie give each other pet names, hun, babe, etc. you mix it up a bit! It doesn't sound like that's the kinda thing Mel would do.